A Girl Who Can’t Say No
November 20, 2008 10:46 am CommunicationEver have a situation where the difference between then and now kinda blows your mind? I’ve been having a series of them, tied to regularly-scheduled phone and web conversations I’ve been having with Data Governance practitioners from around the globe. I keep getting whiplash as I remind myself that yes, I’m actually talking with people from around the globe!
(I know, I know, I sound like my gramma when she talked about the first time she stepped onto an airplane and how miraculous it was. I heard that story several times, back in the 1970s.)
Which brings me to the topic of saying No.
I came of age in the 70s, a time when double standards were being challenged and we young women were receiving very mixed messages. “Just say no!” was the conventional wisdom we heard from our grandmothers and others. On the other hand, we were told, in this modern age it wasn’t a requirement to always say no. It was our choice.
But both sides agreed that it was sad if a girl couldn’t say no. That was a sign of a real problem.
Fast forward twenty years. I was learning to be a consultant from a very wise, very practical, and extremely ethical man. Tony taught me that a consultant should rarely say no. (He was talking about work requests, of course. Get your mind out of the gutter.) Instead, Tony said, a good consultant learns the art of saying “yes, if…”
Q: Can I have this early?
A: Yes, if you’re willing to either spend more money or give up some functionality/quality.
Q: Can we skip user testing?
A: Yes, if you’ll give me a written statement that you’ll hold us harmless from all defects, and that statement is validated by your boss.
Q: Can you do twice as much work in the same time?
A: Yes, if you pay for extra resources to do the work (and by the way, it will be more than twice the resources, because there’s additional costs involved in bringing them up to speed and coordinating efforts).
Q: Can I jump off the roof?
A: Yes, if you’re ok with breaking your leg when you land.
I thought about saying no several times this last month. At the Data Governance and Stewardship Community of Practice, I’ve been facilitating a series of Knowledge Exchanges, and a topic that keeps coming up is whether your program should say no to requests for help - and if so, when and how.
One participant had some sad “lessons learned” to share regarding a program that kept saying “yes” although they couldn’t get the resources to complete tasks. Some other participants shared guidelines for saying no.
Me? I was torn. Part of me wanted to pass along Tony’s lessons about saying “yes, if.” Another part of me was busy trying to remember the name of the character in the musical “Oklahoma” that sings the song “I’m just a girl who can’t say no.”
And now I have that song stuck in my head. Oh, well.
Feel like listening to it yourself? Here’s a YouTube of Amanda Palmer with the Boston Pops.
